You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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