i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
