her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
