what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
