i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
how drunk are you?
Several
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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