just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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