OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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