GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
