He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
