i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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