He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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