He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
it glows. i had to have it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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