There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
