I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I CAN MOONWALK!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
