What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
