his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
