why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
