"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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