I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
