We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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