I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize