dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
