Heybabeimwearingurpanties
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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