Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
