Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Everything about him screamed your future.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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