you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
