I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize