dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
