Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
