so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
