We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize