My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
