"it" just moved
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
