Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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