Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
