hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
