seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
