He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
