are you so shy because you have an std?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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