my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
