so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
