Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
