Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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