Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
