i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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