I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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