I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize