Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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