Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
