I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
