I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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