these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She told me I should be a condom model.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
