Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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