How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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