I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
