i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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