Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
