u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
