how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
