we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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