I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
