i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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