how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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